The past few days on the FOB have been the normal same ol stuff…meetings, a little bit of work (very little), crappy food, the gym, and sleep…that’s about it…there are more indications of bad guys entering the area and BOLOs(Be On the Look Out) for suicide car bombers…we had a convoy up to the northern area of our province and on the way back, after passing one of our Combat Out Posts(COP) the COP got hit with three mortar rounds…actually the rounds hit outside the COP because the bad guys have no accuracy—which is a good thing for us….no injuries or casualties…but, it just goes to show that the fight hasn’t slowed down at all due to the winter months…it has been pretty cold here lately—down into the mid-30’s …I know it’s been colder in the states and specifically down in Florida where it’s supposed to be nice and warm all year round…but, when we work at night and have to be out in a tent at 2am, it’s a pain in the ass…working on trucks in the cold sucks…busted knuckles become exponentially painful…plus snot running down your face while trying to hold parts and tools in place isn’t fun at all…but, it’s all part of the job…I guess I am pretty used to it after being in Japan and Korea…anyhoo…time is flying by…that is definitely a good thing…it seems like Christmas was just yesterday…I am working on evaluations for my guys and we are getting to the point where all the end of tour awards and evaluations are the main concern—that means we are getting close to leaving…also, at every staff meeting we are reminded to mail out things now so we don’t have 8000 lbs of crap to carry back with us on the plane…these are all the good indicators of the end being near…of course, right after saying those things the boss also says just because we are close to the end doesn’t mean we can relax…he says we WILL NOT relax until every last one of us is back on American soil…I can’t freakin wait for that day…not that things are necessarily bad here, it’s just that all of the novelty and interest are gone…now it’s just like Groundhog Day…wake up, work, meeting, eat, gym, sleep…there is nothing exciting or fun or cool or new about this place any more…the only thing different is that now I am practicing music with the band…that has changed my daily routine a little…we usually meet up at the clinic in the afternoon and play music for a few hours a day—that’s kinda cool and exciting I guess…at least it’s something different…yesterday I had ECP duty for the afternoon…the guy scheduled for it was also scheduled for the mission yesterday…he asked if we could cover for him and my roommate and I decided to split it up and cover for him…so now, I have two people owing me time at the gate…that means, my next turn is covered…the gate guard stuff was all the same…local workers in and out all day, other people asking for handouts, others trying to get a job on the FOB or get selected for a project out in one of the villages…same ol crap…AK, I got the site you sent and it was really good reading…I have thought a lot about doing the same thing and making sure it was available to post if anything were to happen to me…I actually wrote my will and a little bit at the beginning of this journal so if it ever comes to that, there is something to sort out my wishes…mom, this is one of those things that we never want to talk about or hear about, but it’s from a soldier in Iraq that died and also had a public blog website… http://andrewolmsted.com/archives/2008/01/final_post.html …he left his final thoughts with a friend and had it posted after his death…I guess, like he mentions, I have a bit of an ego…but, with me, I never reached the point of reality to actually write and pass on, to keep in such an event, my last and final thoughts about my life and what I really want to say to everyone in my life…maybe it’s just the fact that sitting down and writing something like that would prove my mortality and I am not really willing to have that thought right in front of my face every day…I think a lot of us over here know, but don’t want to admit, that there is a very real possibility of our death…I know, everyone in the world faces the reality that some day we will all die, but the chances of getting hit by a bus or having a heart attack are just something people live with and do what they can to avoid those things…but, we are actually consciously making the decision every single day to step outside the wire and stand in front of the bus, hoping it swerves around us…but, again, like Andrew says, we have all made that decision and we are all here on our own principals and beliefs…I am not sure that I, personally, am saving anyone’s life, or bettering the lives of the Afghan people, or protecting America from being attacked and overthrown, but I do know that I believe in the American way of life and, though I may not agree with all the reasons and actions and politics behind everything America does, I did raise my right hand and swear to follow the orders of the President and my officers…I do not take that lightly… I believe we are doing something to help the world and I am here to do whatever it takes to keep America as free as it can be…if that means I die in my duties, then that’s what I do…I once heard a Marine say something that made me think a little different about that whole concept also…he said “anyone can die for their country, but can you KILL someone for your country”…so, to me dying would be no problem…the dying part would just be getting hit with a bullet or IED or whatever—you don’t have to do anything, just be in the right place at the right time(or wrong place, wrong time, however you want to look at it)…we just go out and do our missions and try to make it back to the FOB safely—but when the shit hits the fan, and bullets start flying, it is the ability to maintain posture and return fire knowing that you will end someone else’s life that truly sets you apart and tests your patriotic dedication…luckily I have not been faced with that test yet, and I hope I never have to deal with that situation, but I have taken that oath and that is something I will have to deal with when the time comes…I am rambling on now, but I just want you to know that I am here for my own reasons and if this place kills me, it’s not anyone’s fault but my own…I have had a great life and have nothing but happiness and love through all of my family and friends and I would not change a thing about my life…and like Andrew says, I don’t want people moping around mourning the loss of my life, but a celebration of all the good and happy times…and hopefully I left a little dent of good in this world and helped at least one person along the way…I am not saying goodbye to anyone, I guess I am just throwing this all out there as my current thoughts and feelings on my life and how I want things to go if I should die in this place…I don’t plan on it, but I guess most people don’t ever plan death…I love all of my family and friends and feel I am one of the luckiest people in the world to have you all in my life…and I would wish for all of you to be able to go on with your lives full of happiness and love after I leave this world, simply remembering the good times and any spark of a smile I may have brought your way…I am not going to list everyone and thank people like I just won an Emmy or something—you know who you are, you all are very important to me in your own special way…anyhoo… sorry…didn’t mean to turn this into some kind of end of life story, but I just want to put it all out there without having to write something final to actually admit that I am mortal and might die one day…don’t worry, I will be back home in a couple months and we can all breathe a sigh of relief and not have to worry about reading my last words…I love you and miss you all and can’t wait to get back home.
OOL
B